at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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