I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drake has all the answers
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
PANTIES FOUND
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