Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
