onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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