franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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