I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
