Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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