literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
