honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
