if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
