please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
