ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
