i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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