it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
