I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
