i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
