I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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