there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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