so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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