I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
