Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
