hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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