Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
