oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
