Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
