hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
