I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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