Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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