I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love having hate sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
