Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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