how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
