one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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