I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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