Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
