dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize