Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You pole danced in your parka.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
