Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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