we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
