dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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