My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
