I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
