and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize