i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
