Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
