i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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