I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
