Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
