But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
