Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
