he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
