I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
