Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
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