dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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