God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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