If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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