i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
