It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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