Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
