Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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