I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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