there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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