Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
