if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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