I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
