you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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