That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
