so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this will be a night to untag.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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