Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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