i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
