It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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