Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
