stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
