we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
