I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
