no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
