Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize