Your dad touched me again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
