I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i barfeds in our rink
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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