i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
