chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
