I smell stomach acid.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
