I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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