She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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