i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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