If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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