It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When are your genitals available?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
