pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
