fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
