wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
