um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
