His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize