Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
