someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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