I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
