My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
