There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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